One of my favorite authors is Roald Dahl.  As a child, I looked forward to his books the most, not because it was a grown up writing for little children, but it was a grown up who understood that kids were smarter than they looked.  I've always loved the duality of his writing - the way some stories can be incredibly ridiculous and fun to read, while his other stories could be thoughtful, serious and moving.  Yet, behind it all - the heart of each story always shone through, under sheaths of terribly-wonderful imagination, and that has always captivated me.

so i'm going to vent. cuz i know i shouldn't but sometimes, it just feels good to get stuff off your chest even though you know you should feel lucky for everything you have, and yet the little diva inside you wants to have her day out and so, here goes.

this week, i've been sick and I hardly ever get sick.  i've taken two sick days off of work, laid in bed, ate congee and laid in bed some more trying to breathe through whichever nostril is free at the time.  i also got rejected from a potential job, with a company I would've loved to work for (global non-profit), after subjecting myself to 4 rounds of interviews with a total of 6 people...and let's face it, interviews take a lot out of you and when you're down to the last wire and you don't get it, it's like you want to grab your hair and scream, and yes, it does make going into your current job - the one where you're absolutely exhausted in - that much harder. 

of course, you don't want to go into work, because out of the 7 proposals you worked on during the holidays - the one you worked frantically and spent weekends on, the @#$%^&* mayor decides to close down more than half of the city's afterschool programs, and reject 4 of your proposals.  Now, forget the guilt that comes along with this, but the impact - the people, the devoted staff, the families, the children! you are so pissed at the city like you have never been, and even pissed at your friends who don't seem to care, but you don't blame them, because you used to be one of them - seeing rallies on TV and not thinking twice.  but nevertheless, it's just not right, and your belief in the system becomes shattered, and before you start ranting even more, you will decidedly end it here.

to make matters worse, your boyfriend is in India and for those who are able to keep a long distance relationship, seriously, give yourself a pat on your back.  Having a long distance relationship is like smiling politely while someone tells you about their life - one that you can not see or experience, and yet, you're worried about because that girl he just met there could very well be your replacement.  but u know there is no point in this mental sabotage and like your reaction to being rejected by the potential job opportunity, you go, "hey. if they don't want you, it's their freaking loss. snappity snap snap, 360 head roll + hair toss and flip - WHAT!!"  hence, the diva in you grows. doesn't matter if you're sniffling, look like sh*t and are coughing up a lung, no siree bob.

we will keep chugging along.